FAQ-Parents/Guardians

My child has just come out to me. What do I do now?

For a lot of kids this can be a very nerve wracking experience. Thank them for trusting you with that information, and assure them that you love them. Take the time to look up the terms that your child has mentioned, so they don’t have to educate you. You can then ask them what those words mean to them.

What if it’s just a phase?

That’s okay! Kids are discovering themselves all the time, and the way they identify and the words they use may change, but it doesn’t make their experience any less valid. Do your best to respect and support them in all phases of life.

Aren’t they/them pronouns plural?

They/them pronouns can be plural or singular. People who use they/them pronouns are looking for something more neutral than he or she. We use singular they all the time without realizing it. For example, if someone leaves a water bottle behind, and we don’t know who it belongs to, we’ll say, “they left their water bottle behind.” Now we just have to do it with intention.

How do I support my child if they are being bullied?

If your child has told you they are being bullied, thank them for telling you. It can be a hard thing to tell an adult that things aren’t going well at school or online. Have a talk with your child about bullying, assure them that there is nothing wrong with them, and that it isn’t their fault. Be as supportive as you can, and be a safe space when they get home. You can talk with your child about setting boundaries for themselves in real life and in online spaces. If you can, work with your school as much as possible to address the bullying.

What do I do if other family members aren’t supportive of my child’s gender identity or sexual orientation?

Unfortunately, there isn’t much we can do to change someone else’s mind, but you can be the support your child needs. If you can, set clear boundaries with family members about inappropriate or disparaging language, let your child know that it isn’t their fault and that there is nothing wrong with them. If not an immediate family member, give your child the choice to not engage with the unsupportive family member(s). You can only control yourself, so modeling the ideal behavior is the best thing you can do.

Are there trainings available for community members?

Yes! We provide free quarterly Rainbow 101s at Cobscook Institute that you can register for. To find out when our next public training is, visit our Upcoming Events page or email us at downeastrainbowalliance@gmail.com.